"What the frig makes you friggers want to frig with this?"
- Roots Manuva, Clockwork
Fuck (foc, feck, frick, frig, frack, frag - whatever your euphemism of choice) is such a versatile word. In those lyrics above it is used with 3 different meanings: Two types of noun and a verb. And I doubt that anyone would say they don't know what it means.
Try finding any other random word that is as flexible and meaningful.
What the soap makes you soapers want to soap with this?
Nah.
Try a word that at least works in one context.
What the mess makes you messers want to mess with this?
No again.
And no other expletive can do it:
What the hell makes you hellers want to hell with this?
The F word rules. It's so useful for so many occasions.
It's "one of the few 'universal' words that can be uttered in any country in the world and yet be understood by anyone." (Wikipedia).
Dictionary.com gives it 13 different meanings and/or usages including really handy verb phrases like "fuck up" and "I'm fucked if I know".
Bill Bryson writes "After O.K., Fuck must be about the most versatile of all English words."
It's given birth to lovely acronyms like fubar (fucked up beyond all recognition).
And yet, it is far surpassed by the humble set. According to Bryson, it has "58 uses as a noun, 126 as a verb and 10 as a participial adjective. Its meanings are so various and scattered that it takes the OED 60,000 words - the length of a short novel - to discuss them all."
Nevertheless, does this make any sense?:
What the set makes you setters want to set with this?
Fuck No!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Exerseyes 29
Is it possible for a person and a location to be combinatorially voodooed?
It's not me - I have plenty of good experiences with every other swimming pool. And there's nothing wrong with that particular pool. It's popular and successful. Yet I invariably have a negative experience there and leave feeling the opposite to how I should after a swim. Then I avoid it for months.
There was the time my boyfriend was in a foul mood for some reason so he decided to forget to pick me up afterwards. I queued for a pay phone to call and find out he was at home drinking coffee. So I had to walk home. Several times it's just been so damned unbearably cold in there I've had to get out before my full quota of laps. So I've felt irretrievably frozen to the bone and ripped off in both the financial and exercise quotient departments. I've been "bitten" by "sea lice". Completely turned away at the gate because squads and clubs had taken over. And there was the time I was told 3 lanes were free but the squads and clubs decided to make up their own rules and just take up as many lanes as they could. The pool staff abdicated all responsibility so we regular customers all had to squish into one lane - no matter what our speed or stroke style. One day the surf was so big it crashed into the pool and kept sweeping me sideways into the ropes (which are very spindly and give you rope burn, by the way). The foamy churn destroyed all visibility so I had more than one painful head-on collision and the other swimmer didn't even stop to see if I was ok. Just trying to breath without taking in a mouthful of wave was a challenge.
There's always something. Random, mostly unconnected things, but they all happen here.
I do believe however, that I lifted the curse today. It was so cold my toes turned yellow and my fingernails blue, but not so cold I couldn't stay in for the full 2K. The riffly wind whipped up ruffles of sea spray that made breathing air only, without splashes of sea water, mostly impossible. But the visibility was perfect. Swimmers stuck to their lanes and we all swam in the same direction without collision. There were no sea lice or cranky boyfriends or territorial squads.
The accursed public notice in the change room (or changeroom) taunted me as it always does with its crimes against the English language. I'm not a vandal, and it's out of character, but I climbed up on the bench and found that the sticky vinyl lettering is easily lifted by a thumbnail. So I peeled off the 3 offensive apostrophes, feeling a warm satisfaction at the words now restored to their correct plural form. The multiple other punctuation and spelling errors will have to stay. But the apostrophes are a small personal victory.
I'm currently reading and loving The Corrections. Today I made a few corrections of my own. And I left the pool feeling as uplifted as I normally should.
It's not me - I have plenty of good experiences with every other swimming pool. And there's nothing wrong with that particular pool. It's popular and successful. Yet I invariably have a negative experience there and leave feeling the opposite to how I should after a swim. Then I avoid it for months.
There was the time my boyfriend was in a foul mood for some reason so he decided to forget to pick me up afterwards. I queued for a pay phone to call and find out he was at home drinking coffee. So I had to walk home. Several times it's just been so damned unbearably cold in there I've had to get out before my full quota of laps. So I've felt irretrievably frozen to the bone and ripped off in both the financial and exercise quotient departments. I've been "bitten" by "sea lice". Completely turned away at the gate because squads and clubs had taken over. And there was the time I was told 3 lanes were free but the squads and clubs decided to make up their own rules and just take up as many lanes as they could. The pool staff abdicated all responsibility so we regular customers all had to squish into one lane - no matter what our speed or stroke style. One day the surf was so big it crashed into the pool and kept sweeping me sideways into the ropes (which are very spindly and give you rope burn, by the way). The foamy churn destroyed all visibility so I had more than one painful head-on collision and the other swimmer didn't even stop to see if I was ok. Just trying to breath without taking in a mouthful of wave was a challenge.
There's always something. Random, mostly unconnected things, but they all happen here.
I do believe however, that I lifted the curse today. It was so cold my toes turned yellow and my fingernails blue, but not so cold I couldn't stay in for the full 2K. The riffly wind whipped up ruffles of sea spray that made breathing air only, without splashes of sea water, mostly impossible. But the visibility was perfect. Swimmers stuck to their lanes and we all swam in the same direction without collision. There were no sea lice or cranky boyfriends or territorial squads.
The accursed public notice in the change room (or changeroom) taunted me as it always does with its crimes against the English language. I'm not a vandal, and it's out of character, but I climbed up on the bench and found that the sticky vinyl lettering is easily lifted by a thumbnail. So I peeled off the 3 offensive apostrophes, feeling a warm satisfaction at the words now restored to their correct plural form. The multiple other punctuation and spelling errors will have to stay. But the apostrophes are a small personal victory.
I'm currently reading and loving The Corrections. Today I made a few corrections of my own. And I left the pool feeling as uplifted as I normally should.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
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